wtfudge is a lovely weblog that uses blogger to track my thoughts, etc. it is an offshoot of where mathew hoy does code, content, and creative for all things lovely.

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Location: London, Canada

a buddhist, vegetarian, and beta-geek, i build web sites, am an iconographer, write, doodle, and noodle. i like cookies and candy and fruit juice. do you?

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

HellaBoss: mia

"where the heck is HellaBoss?", you've been asking. "are you actually going to build a site?", you've been asking. "how is your scooter?", you've been asking.

first things first: the scooter is out of harm's way. the gas guage was faulty and said that i had half a tank left when in fact i had none. i (ugh) ran out of gas on the road like a chump. however, i'm blaming it on faulty guagery, so all is well. i should be getting the bike back this coming saturday. and then going for my m1 motorcycle license.

HellaBoss is being cleverly updated roughly every week. but with no real content. this week it features a delightful sparrow eyechart that you can download and put up on your wall at home (if you do, be sure to take a picture of it - i will post all the pictures taken that i get!). the real site has been started about 15 times. i'm not happy with any of them yet. not happy enough to even put something crappy up.

also, not sure what to put up, period. should i move the wtfudge weblog over to HellaBoss? should i use HellaBoss as a portfolio site that's a 1-off for people to come to and leave from again? should the site link to my school notes and presentations? what should i do with it? i'm in the middle of an idea vortex at the moment with things swirling all around me.

that said, this thursday i'm going to talk to my doctor about whether or not i have add or adhd and see about an official testing appointment, and possibly some hotmeds to help me organise things and not get this kind of lost.

i've been this kind of lost for about 10 years now and it's getting worse the further i go along. i'm at the point now where i can sit down with a book i want to read and read it, in its entirety and not remember a single thing from it, aside from the pictures. i can read a paragraph over and over and over and even if i force myself to focus on the page (this is really difficult to do - i often get bored mid-sentence no matter if it's the first sentence or the middle one, or wherever), i still won't remember anything, except for the ideas i had to supress to do that.

my problem is that i get ideas. all the time. while i'm reading. while i'm showering, cutting the grass, doing the laundry, shagging, whatever. and for the most part (excluding the last one...), i have to stop what i'm doing to write them down or talk them out. during the course of writing one of these entries, i start and stop between paragraphs about 3 times each to check email (even though it alerts me when new stuff has arrived), jot things down, get sidetracked, etc. i guess in the end, getting ideas isn't the problem.

it's that i don't do anything with them.

or that i start working on them right away and quit them when i start to get a feel for them. i have so very many illustrator files on my computer that feature 10 different illustrations on them at once. most are mockups or plans for future drawings. others are collages that are confusing to look at. i'm all over snap to grid and most are simple stg experiments. they are all variations on a theme and rather boring, but that's that. they are what they are, i guess. other started and stopped projects include: removing wallpaper from my house (some walls are half done), abandoned client projects(!), hundreds of abandoned, half-read books, half-completed video games, half-started web projects (HellaBoss, the redesign of wtfudge), and more.

the next few months should be very fun for me, and maybe for you.

wish me luck!


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